I should have said days ago that lord, I feel better. Real life advice and cheer from those who have been through it has helped enormously, thank you, thank you. I have admitted that I need some help coping with stress and that maybe it isn't normal to continue mentally kicking yourself for weeks after an event (example, I showed a video piece for class last week and a few of the shots weren't perfectly timed, like maybe 1 second too long and it is STILL really bothering me, really and isn't that normal? )What really bothers me about having perfectionist tendencies is how little that actually carries over and makes me do things perfectly. I just agonize about it, not actually accomplish anything. ANYWAY, sorry for the drama-rama but some days are like that, you know? As it stands now, I have one more week of classes, two presentations, two papers and an exam to get through and I can finally concentrate on work again until my job contracts end...and find new daycare and argghghghghgh - stop.
The best thing in the world was having old friends here this last week. I really really didn't want them to leave, even though I had been nervous about them coming and delving into the chaos of life with child. But we had such a nice time, with beers and board games and lots of food and a pie social and lots and lots of porch sitting. It was so lovely to be myself 100% and see my husband in a new light too - don't you find you need to be out together with friends every once in awhile so you can see how smart and funny the person is when you're not merely changing diapers and sweeping floors? I guess I did. I have been myself since we moved here, but I haven't been myself with others and friends, not completely and wow, it's like family. I miss it, very much. My brother comes next week too and hurrah, more 100% me action! The best part is sharing my kid, honestly. She's - this sounds fake and lame but it's true - everything that's good about me and us and our life. She cracks me up and drives me crazy and having friends and family finally meet her makes me so happy. Plus, they don't mind reading "Art" over and over - and make a fuss over her repeating the words (I am rather pleased that her first book has her repeating MOMA, Dada and Pop art which makes me a crazy snob, I suppose)
Anyway. There is a light, there is coffee in my cup, my hair looks good today and it's 70 degrees with blue sky. It could be so much worse. It will be so much worse. And no doubt I'll vent every little last minute of it.