aw sheesh, thank you for notes and reassurances - i just can't help but take stock around my birthday and sometimes the planets align to make me feel good about it, and sometimes not.
I'll tell you what does make me feel good - school and work. My brain is humming all night long and I jump out of bed at 6 in the morning, willing and eager to get the day underway. It's the first week of classes of course, give me some time. But the classes seem fine, one in particular feels like the type that will regularly shift my brain in new and exciting directions and it was good to see the old people and the new people. Which brings me to my next point - just when did I change and become a social and bold human being? The last 6 weeks at work I have not been my shy and deferential self at all but I figured it was because I just really, really love my job and the people I work with. But then I went to the first day of classes and just strolled in and assumed my self. Sat next to the people I wanted to, talked in class, tried not to hide and cower. Was it having the baby, having to be so on all the time for her? Is it just becoming more American? It could be the South of course, this town has taught me to make eye contact and say a "How you doin'" to every passing person, which is pretty great.
My CSA has made me more Southern by default. I was standing in the kitchen last night dipping okra in buttermilk and cornmeal, stirring my mess of lima beans and slicing a big pink tomato for dinner and all that was lacking was the banana pudding. Which I love.