Happy Valentines Day Internetty! I have celebrated by dressing my baby in a little rosebud printed sleeper with pink socks and the teeny-tiniest Mary Janes (gah, trust me she's pretty adorable) and taking her to the Dr.'s for her one-month check-up. Conversation on the way to the Dr.'s:

Me: How much weight do you think she's gained?
AH: I think she's close to nine pounds.
Me: Oh I think she's closer to eight pounds.
AH: She's so much bigger than she used to be.
Me: She should be, I spend 10-14 hours a day just feeding her...(said lightly but really, sometimes it seems psychologically impossible to raise her to my boob one more time in a day, leading to weeping around midnight as I unvelcro the fucking "My Breast Friend" nursing pillow that I kind of want to burn the second we finish breastfeeding...)

La la la...we undress her and they weight her and - she weighs exactly the same as she did three weeks ago. 6 pounds 14 ounces. Not even seven pounds. This is "failure to thrive". The lactation consultant is summoned and watches me nurse. God, I hate showing people how I do things, I get all clumsy and stupid and when it involves your naked breast on top of it and the fact that you're STARVING YOUR OWN BABY, it has a whole other added dimension. She fusses and cries and finally, we supplement. An ounce of formula. We have officially broken the Breastfeeding Only barrier and now I am a true failure. Man, she sucks down that formula like I have been starving her and goes immediately into a satiated coma from which, 2.5 hours later she has yet to emerge (hence my ability to write these words). We left laden with breast pump tubing contraptions as I have to start pumping now too - is it just me or do other people find the idea of sucking breast milk out via electric motors and yards of plastic tubing um...off-putting. I don't know why I am so squeamish about the process. But we will do it because we have to go back on Tuesday and prove that I'm not starving her. The doctors did acknowledge that having the horrible horrible flu that meant I practically didn't eat at all for 9 days and which I passed on to her might have impacted her weight gain. I think so too.
Please forgive obsessive detailing of baby-raising but this blog has always been the little things of my life and the little things are currently pumping breast milk. I'm also expending some brain power on which is better : Cashmere Mafia or Lipstick Jungle (yes, I've seen both because have you missed it? I'm breastfeeding, which means protracted periods where you can only stare straight in front of you, because turning the pages of your book drives your baby crazy or moving at all drives her crazy so you it's seeing what is on basic cable that keeps you from going crazy) and both are pretty terrible but Lipstick Jungle is better, in my opinion because it's not as serious and it has that girl from Beverly Hills 90210 on it that used to be Steve's girlfriend so that is nostalgic for me. I always felt sorry for Steve's love interests as they likely wanted to be assigned to Dylan or Brandon but got Ian Ziering instead - kind of how I feel about the poor girls who are Mouth's love interests on One Tree Hill and have to pretend he is just as cute as Chad Michael Murray.
Speaking of TV and boys, horrible horrible Logan from Gilmore Girls has resurfaced on Friday Night Lights as a Christian radio host with terrible hair and he is a smug idiot as usual but it's awesome because you're not supposed to like him, the way I presume you were supposed to on GG. I hate to admit it but TV and movies are on heavy rotation in our household in the evenings. I look forward to it being warmer and lighter out, don't you? I do. Then we can do things with our kid besides keeping her inside, warm and fed and stop watching marathons of Battlestar Galactica and Weeds. BG is great by the way - and I hate space and robots and fight scenes and sci-fi - so if I like it, you might too. Trust me, I have the time to research these things these days, obviously. If you care about the state of my brain, I'm still reading a lot, I promise. And crossing things off my To Do list, like applying for scholarships which involves reams of paper and bothering people for recommendation letters. God I hate that. Hello, I'm starving my baby but will you say what an awesome Future Librarian I will be? In triplicate? By March 1st? So I can try and put your $2000 towards my giant tuition bills? Thanks!
It is time to go and cut out construction paper hearts for AH. Maybe with glitter if we're feeling crazy.