It is the last four hours of my "regular" reference/tech support job - I still have to come in next week and work but not with students, directly supporting them, just reformatting the lab ccomputers etc. As is the case with "last four hours", it is dragging, I am cranky and it feels like the whole previous four months instead of mere hours. Especially as I have been scheduled alone all day, no back-up, no breaks, no one to turn to when things are going wrong. Awesome. I am now sticking my belly into peoples faces as I lean over to help them with problems to reinforce that I kinda could care less about the background noise on their interview clip or their DVD of wrestling matches and want to get home to do Other Things. Like sit on the couch and forget everything I ever knew about wiring schematics.

What is as banal as work complaints? Family complaints of course! I've detailed it here in the past but my brother and I have a complicated relationship. In my family of mostly women he is the Star, the Golden Child, the one we rotate around, make room for, covet time with. He swoops in from Germany once a year or so and showers us with gifts and dismissive comments about North America and then leaves. We actually share a lot of the same values and viewpoints but he can't stand the way I express myself, is what it boils down to. He thinks I'm too polite (ie not as blunt as he is), not as in touch with my emotions as he is etc. (ha!) and definitely that my life isn't half as awesome as his is. I kind of agree - he has a great job in Munich, tons of disposable income and vacation and travels extensively in Europe with his totally hot blonde way younger German girlfriend - yup, in the glamor stakes, he is way ahead. He has no interest in home ownership, marriage or kids, even as he (yikes) nears 40. We usually have one good blow-out per visit and spend the rest of the time making jokes about Alberta, the province we grew up in. At age 34, I still feel totally misunderstood by him, which rankles and I have to try not to prove myself to him over and over, just accept it for what it is.
So a few months ago he was planning a trip home to Edmonton for Christmas, which obviously I cannot attend, due to baby time. He asks if he can swing by our house in NC on the way home to Germany - uh, okay, I reply. The man HATES America and Americans and he chooses this moment in time to visit me, while I live in a small weird town that will likely only reinforce his vision of the country? Where was he when I lived in Portland or Seattle or even Vancouver? But okay, sure, come visit. He wants to visit January 3-8th. I'm due Jan. 5th. Sure, come visit as long as you know - either there will be a newborn or a still waddling woman in the house - or he might even be here as the dang thing is born. The man who really doesn't care for kids or babies. My only on-site family support. But fine, come visit!
So he e-mails me last week to check in again and make sure everything is going well and "to check on the timing of his visit" as he has just kind of realized that he may be here at a funny time - so I figure I'll write him a reassuring e-mail - yes, the timing is kind of crazy but if he doesn't mind, we'll make it work, it'll just be good to see him, etc. etc. - bottom line, come on and visit and it will be fun. I'm trying to be what he accuses me of not being very often - positive and flexible etc.

So I open my e-mail yesterday and you know that little feature in Gmail where you can see the first line of text of an e-mail? He has replied in all screaming sarcastic caps in the first line, "GEE! YOU'RE! SO! POSITIVE!" and so I do not bother to actually open it, I just feel crappy that no matter how I try to be open and make our relationship better, I always, always end up feeling like a scorned 8-year old. Amazing.

This among other reasons is why I love the movie "You Can Count on Me" so unreservedly. And why I look forward to "The Savages" coming to town, also starring Laura Linney, and seemingly about siblings and dying parents, two things my brother and I could write a book about. Or a movie.

Speaking of (note)books, if you have an old school library lover in your life, might I humbly suggest a Check It Out notebook? My favourite part is going through all the cards I have and choosing the right subjects/titles for the intended recipient. Interest in Modern Architecture? Got it. Cognitive disorders? Children and Ecology? It's like a treasure hunt. A nerdy treasure hunt.