2014-09-15 - 10:00 p.m.

"Someone" asked if I survived August and my downer last entry and yes, yes I have. Its a cliche to say I enjoy the tang of cider and pumpkin in the air - but I do. School started and it's fine - it's fine, it's good, I like kids! It's a good job! Why do I feel so much dread in the days before? Because every school year feels like a ship about to sail and once it does, you're on it and June is when you spot land but until then - there's no getting off the thing. It's scary. Oh, and also, then I am working 5 days a week.
Plus back to making lunches (only 1 day a week for my kid, because I always have to make my own). Last night I was feeling smug at the end of the day: I had made dinner with enough leftovers for several days, packed a lunch, chosen clothes, packed bags, done homework with child, done xtramath practice with child, responded to work email, read her a book and did everything I could to be ready for the next day. An evening free - in service of the next work day. All the little solutions I have come up with - a batch of muffins on Sunday night, a big dinner on Sunday too to see us through the week, the food shopping on the weekend - is just to service the workday. This kills my soul a little. You know?
But that's just the usual existential crisis, the kind I have had since I was 16 - what is it all for? And I still don't have an answer.
It's for: a fresh pile of books, documentaries, crosswords, maple syrup, hot coffee, rain watering my garden, Pendleton blankets, my kids voice in the morning (or anytime), aged gouda, laps and hugs. It's enough this September.


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